Black and White
by PCGirl
Summary: Joliday fic, 2007. John realizes what he's lost and wonders if he can ever make it right.


A/N: So once again--I decided to do a Joliday story for this season. Hope everyone had a very Merry/Happy (insert Winter Holiday you celebrate)! Ya'll enjoy! Until next time--PCGirl.

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Disclaimer: All characters and locations are property of ABC/Disney--I'm just borrowing for the time being.

John stood there staring at the pool table—as if it was going to give him all the answers he wanted. He thought about the past year and now tonight maybe 2008 would be better for him—for his family.

His mind wandered to all the past New Years Eve's he'd celebrated in Llanview and how they always had one thing in common—him seeing Natalie across the room in a drop-dead outfit and he couldn't touch her the way he wanted.

Last year was no exception as they couldn't do more than hold hands and share one simple kiss when the clock struck midnight. He wanted this year to be different—was sure in that hospital bed that it would be, but he'd been so wrong.

He looked at the doorway and there she was, once again standing there in a knock 'em dead outfit for New Years. He couldn't help but give her a grin as she spotted him and walked over slowly, "You look great."

"Thanks—I'm supposed to meet Jess and Nash here. She wants me to spend New Years with them—says it's more fun than sitting and watching the Yule Log by myself."

"You still watch that thing?" he asked.

"When I can—at least a bit of it—helps me remember the past and look forward. Out with the old and in with the new and all that jazz."

"Want to play a game? You know—for old times sake," he said as he handed her the pool cue he'd been holding and waited for her to take it.

"Sure—," she said with a smile and they began playing quietly.

"Any resolutions this year?"

"Oh you know the normal—world peace, spend more time with friends, not fall and make out with a relative," said Natalie, the tone in her voice completely normal.

"He still giving you trouble?"

"Some—but I'm learning to adapt," she said with a shrug and they went back to silence.

"You ever wonder if we should try and give it another shot—slow this time—but see if we can finally make it work."

Natalie laughed at his words, "There was nothing ever slow with us John—it was fifth gear or nothing at all. As for giving it another shot—we kept trying for that next chance, and it never worked. You—coming back to me—that was our last shot John. Besides—were better off as friends," she said with a smile.

"Yeah," said John—unable to say anything else and glad to see Jess walk through the door. "Looks like Jess is here."

"Yeah—Happy New Years, John," she said giving him a quick hug before putting down the pool stick and going to greet her sister.

"Happy New Years, Natalie," he said quietly as he turned to put up both sticks and noticed the only balls left on the table were the cue ball and eight ball. That shot seemed so familiar—and he couldn't seem to remember why.

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At seeing the giant neon '2008' light up his television screen John turned it off and just sat there on the couch thinking. He was surprised about Natalie's words tonight—how they were better off as friends—were they really? Friends saw each other more than once a month—there had been months he'd known he hadn't seen Natalie this past year.

He suddenly felt very tired and decided he better call it a night—he'd think about all of this more in the morning—prove to Natalie they were better, stronger, when they were together than when they were apart.

As he fell asleep he remembered when he'd seen the pool shot from earlier in the night—and remembered how he'd once dreamed about their children—maybe if he was lucky they wouldn't be just a dream.

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John woke with a start and without opening his eyes he could tell he was in a hospital. After being in the hospital for months after the accident he knew the sounds, smells, and the feel of intensely bright lights just as easily as he knew the smell of Natalie's hair. What he couldn't figure out was why. He could feel tightness on his arms and chest and as he opened his eyes he knew exactly where he was—the AC hospital burn unit.

For the second time in just a few minutes he was once again confused. Was everything a dream? Was there still a chance for him and Natalie to get it right? And Marcie and his brother as well? He saw Michael come up to the glass wall and watched him put the pale blue gown on before entering.

"Hey, bro—you're finally awake. They said it would be just a matter of time now that your fever broke."

"Fever?" said John, his voice raspy and hoarse as his throat hadn't had time to heal yet.

"You caught an infection—you've been unconscious for weeks, John. I thought we were going to have to get a room for Natalie in order to get her to take a break. If I didn't think she was one hundred percent committed to you before now I do."

_Natalie._

"Where's Natalie?" he asked. He needed to see her—needed her to be near him.

"She went home—I told her to spend the holiday with her family. She knows the train schedule by memory now—I'm sure she'll be headed back this way before the last train of the night."

"Holiday?" he asked, still confused.

"Yeah, Merry Christmas, Johnny."

"It's Christmas? What year?" he asked, knowing the answer and feeling like Ebenezer Scrooge did when waking up after being visited by the three ghosts—knowing he hadn't missed Christmas or his chance to change for the better.

Michael wanted to laugh at the question, but his brother's confusion was beginning to worry him, "2006. What did you think—you slept a whole year?"

"No," he said and thought of his next question. "Truman—?"

"In jail—where he belongs. He was found guilty of our father's murder," said Michael—not wanting to go into how a shrink named Marty Saybrooke had almost made the judge believe Truman wasn't mentally fit to stand trial, but justice had prevailed in the end. "Are you ok, John?"

John nodded as he felt some pain in his arms, "I am now."

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"Hey," smiled Natalie as she walked into the room.

John couldn't take his eyes off of her—her smiling at him like that, pure love and no hurt. He suddenly wondered—had he been dreaming when he said the words the first time? Did she still not know how he felt? "I love you," he spoke slowly and watched her eyes sparkle more.

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that," she smiled as she took a chair and pulled it up to his bed. "How are you? Michael called and said everything was fine, but I had to see you for myself."

"I guess I'd forgotten everything that had happened before the infection—that's all. How are you? You ok?"

Natalie took a deep breath and tried to keep the tears at bay, "I was scared John. Really scared. I—I just got you back and I couldn't imagine losing you again. Not now."

He gave her a half smile and reached for her hand, "I'm not going anywhere—ever."

"Me too."

"Good," he said as he worked through the pain long enough to put his free hand under the covers and pull out a small ring box. It took him a couple tries but he got it flipped open and sat it in front of her. "I love you, Natalie. And I realized something a long time ago—you are more than just a friend, more than just my best friend—you are the woman who I need through everything.

"This recovery—it's going to be tough as hell—but there is nobody on this earth I want to help me through it but you. I don't just need you through the recovery Natalie—I need you for the rest of my life. Natalie Balsom Buchanan—will you marry me?"

Natalie wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at John's face—the pleading and uncertainty in his eyes made her heart swell, "Yes, John—I'll be yours."

"Good," he said as fought the pain and put the ring on her finger, then easily pulled her towards him until their lips met in a simple kiss—and he remembered once again a dream he'd had during the accident of them and two children—their children—playing pool. He knew before too long that that vision would be more than just a vision, but reality.


End file.
